You may be fairly certain you want a divorce, or you may be uncertain about whether or not you want a divorce. Or, you may be in the unfortunate position of learning that your spouse has decided to divorce, whether you want a divorce or not. Either way, you think you should talk with a divorce lawyer.
Talking to a lawyer can be scary. It can feel like you’ve been sent to the Principal’s office. You’re probably wondering what questions you should ask in general. Better yet, what questions should you ask to protect your rights? How do you balance managing your anxiety and the need to take the all-important step in satisfying the need for knowledge?
First, don’t worry. Divorce lawyers are here to help. Knowledge is power, and the key to managing your stress and asking the right questions is to come into the meeting prepared. (Also, helpful hint for the entire divorce process: the key to managing your stress is preparedness.)
Typically, you should not bring a trusted friend or family member into the meeting with the attorney. If there is a third party present, your right of confidentiality is not preserved. However, you can brainstorm with that person about what information you should provide to the attorney and what questions you should ask before coming to the meeting. You can also bring the person to the attorney’s office for moral support so long as both of you understand that he or she will have to wait in the attorney’s waiting room while you are meeting with the attorney.
A word of caution: You should avoid discussing the divorce in front of or within earshot of your children, and you should avoid bringing your children to your attorney’s office. It can make the divorce process more stressful for your children. You should also not expect that your children will keep secret from your spouse what you’ve said or the fact that they went to your lawyer’s office. Kids will be kids.
If you are worried about the meeting consider these five points:
1.) Meeting with an attorney is simply about getting information. It does not mean that you are definitely getting a divorce.
2.) The meeting is confidential. An attorney cannot be expected to adequately help you if you are not really honest. You should be open and tell the lawyer everything you can.
3.) When you make your appointment, ask the attorney what documents, if any, to bring with you.
4.) If it is at all possible, come to the meeting with the knowledge of what assets you own individually, what assets you own together with your spouse, and what assets your spouse owns.
5.) If you can, come to the meeting knowing what debts you owe individually, what debts you owe together with your spouse, and what debts your spouse owes.
Understanding what will be discussed at the meeting may also help lessen your anxiety. You should expect the attorney to talk with you about five basic themes:
1.) The basic steps of the divorce process itself;
2.) Child custody and child access, if you have children with your spouse;
3.) Division of your property;
4.) Child Support and Alimony;
5.) Attorney’s fees
You should also bring a list of questions you have. Feel free to write them down or send yourself an e-mail you can pull up on your phone during the meeting. If you e-mail them be sure to use an e-mail account which your spouse cannot access. To help you begin your list of questions, here are five questions:
1.) Do you have experience with ______________________? (Fill in the blank with anything you believe is unique to your situation)
2.) How is child support calculated?
3.) If I choose to work with you how will you keep me up to speed on developments in my case?
4.) What is your hourly fee and retainer? How frequently do you send out billing statements? Will I be notified when the retainer is almost gone?
5.) What are the best ways for me to keep costs down with your firm?
If you take a little time out to prepare for the initial meeting, you will put yourself in a position to minimize the stress and maximize the useful information you gain about the divorce. Although a good divorce attorney will have a checklist of information to both ask you about and provide to you, the questions you put to the divorce attorney will also help him or her to be sure to adjust that list to specially tailor her list to your needs.
